It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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