Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
