just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
