we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize