I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
