So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
