just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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