I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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