Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize