I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
