then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
In America we eat man semen.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
