I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
