yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize