Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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