Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont even know how to be here
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
