Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize