Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
