If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
