have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
