What a fucking waste of an outfit
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
