I puked a lego.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mondays should just be called national damage control day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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