Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
