I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
