yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize