got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
