I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
