So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
