I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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