She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im part way to drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
