hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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