break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
