: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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