so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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