I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
