i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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