my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
