too bad you live with your parents still
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Mom said you looked used
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
