im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
