Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
