the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This is not my ceiling
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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