apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
