We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
