I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize