omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
