so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
