haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
