I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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