nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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