So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
