So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize