i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
