dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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