did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
