return my video game
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
