so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
