The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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