Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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