The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
