so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
