all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize