Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
