I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
