I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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