you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
