this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
