just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
