do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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