Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
