I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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